I am going for a comfort weekend. I want to feel swaddled and far away from turmoil. Maybe I will bring some chocolate, not that my host would really appreciate that. I'll bring some flowers as well.
I recently met with the wasband, said some things I regretted. I think I said this before, but I can't believe how my life has come to resemble a "Cathy" cartoon. To summarize, even though I am happier than I have been in years, even though I see incompatibility after incompatibility in the wasband, even though I don't want any complications in my life right now, I prodded the wasband into sending a message, "I miss you, let's try again." My immediate reaction was to cry and be angry at both of us. 30 seconds later, the second reaction hit, "I wonder how much farther I can push him?" And then it all crumbled into the realization that I could not push him too much further before he would crack, and I would again be distraught like I was before.
Why, why would I try for that tiny sign of lingering affection from this man? It is so bad for me in everyway, and doesn't give me much satisfaction. I guess I hoped to hit the jackpot; "I love you, I love you, won't you understand? I was so wrong to act as I did, I have regretted it everyday. I have been so sad and lonely and angry at myself, that is why I have been so cold, for fear of breaking down at any moment. I will do anything, teach me how to please you!..."
Yeah, right. I don't know if that has ever happened in the history of mankind, but I doubt the odds were ever stacked higher against it than in our case.
While trying to drown my anxieties with science and fluff, I came across this T-shirt. LOVE IT!
http://bitesizebio.com/store/
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