As Long as There Are No Follow-up Questions, Yes I'm Aware of My Crappy Appearance

I have a big hole in my shoe.  Actually, it's not so much a hole anymore - the upper has completely pulled away for the sole in front, just a few strands of cloth hold them kinda' together.  My toes poke right out, and when I walk, it doesn't look like the upper is connected at all.  My "shabbos" shoes aren't quite as bad, but do have a several holes right on the front, the biggest is about 2" long now. Since they are better, although going bad fast, I want to save them only for shabbos.

I can't get cheap shoes. 4 years ago I had such bad plantar fasciitis that by the end of the day I would need to use a chair as a walker, or literally crawl to bed.  These $200.00 shoes were the reletively cheap option, which brought almost instant, and consistent relief.  The soles are still good, so I'm sticking with them.  I have never had success with shoe repair - they just glue the damn seams together, so forget that.

So people have been commenting on it.  "Do you know you have a hole in your shoe?"

Now, I could get angry just at this - "Yes, yes I do know."  How could I not know?!?!  How could I have missed this hole?!?!  But I'm not angry - the appearance of the shoe really is shocking, I imagine that the comment just pops out before it is possible to think farther than that shock.  Gratefully, most people just stop there.  I am truly grateful when there are no follow up questions*.  Some people offer to loan me money to get new shoes.  Sorry, that loan is never going to get repaid, and I not ready for that yet.

And that is weird, because I spend way too much of my time thinking about how awful my community is for offering me so little chesed - and then, when somebody does, I back down.  And the stupidest sticking point for me is that I think I would take a "gift" and be grateful, but the subterfuge of calling it a "loan" somehow makes is tawdry.

* I can't find the link, but this just reminded me of the Simpsons episode "The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilon".  Apu's mother ask Bart and Lisa (whom she has been told are her grandchildren), "Surely you children are aware of your Bramhman heritage?"
The children answer "As long as there are absolutely no follow up questions: Yes, yes we are." "Fully."

On a totally different note, there are many traditionally dressed Indian woman in my neighborhood.  They always look so lovely and cool and bright in their loose flowing fabric.  I want a sari.