205.6 Stalled
In a post one or two Pesachs ago, I said that the hardest part was having to run all the errands by myself. A close friend had the reaction, "Oh, that sounds good. Things must be going really well, if the HARDEST part is having to run the errands yourself." She really thought I was making an optimistic comment.
No. It really is a tremendous psychological pressure, at least for myself and other single mothers I know, to know that you must be responsible for EVERYTHING. There is no chance to take a break, to ask someone else "can you handle stuff today?" There is no one to bounce ideas, anxieties, set-backs.
I got some similar responses to Monday's "It's Summer" post. I thought that was a terribly depressing post - I was certainly depressed when I wrote it.
I had some divorce business to attend to this week. I desperately wanted to call someone to hold my hand during. But I didn't; who would I call? I mean, I have some wonderful friends, but I can't see anyone finding a baby-sitter for her kids, just so she can sit in my apartment while I search for all correspondence from my lawyer, or come over for 10 minutes to support me while I open an envelope. Or even to go to court for a support hearing. But it does seem like something a mother or maybe a sister would do. Yes? No? I don't know. But it really pains me terribly often, and is usually the last straw, placed on top of whatever anxiety of the day, that breaks me.
Anyway, I also seem not to be much influenced by the embarrassment of publicly printing my weight. Too anonymous maybe?
Blah.
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