Pokemon cake

Just some other stuff I have done with my days recently:

Pokemon birthday cake for Moo. I made the cake, he made the creatures (out of marzipan and a few Wilton edible pearls):

Job Search Ambivalence

I'm not sure exactly how much I'm comfortable posting, since I don't know if I am still have unwanted followers... but anyway:

I'm looking for new employment. I have actually been out of the lab for a year and half now, did I mention? Tried insurance agent at the considerable prompting of the agency owner: I liked servicing clients, and educating them on insurance minutia, but was awful at the sales part. I knew I would be, but it was good to shed some bit of those social anxieties. Then I went back to looking in science, got a great contract position for 3 months with a major Pharma company, loved everything about it except that it was such a terribly long commute, so I didn't even look to continue there. And now I am sitting at home, on LinkedIn again.

Ms. Useful had a great word of advice for me, when I told her about my moderate pace at sending out the resume s: "This is not the time for a marathon, when you get a job is the marathon - this is the time for a sprint!"

I took her advice to heart for a couple weeks, spent any hours almost every day applying for jobs. But the fervor is dying out again. And the void is not filling with anything good.

Well, I did make a few positive thing occur. I called the principal of the local day school, with whom I have developed a good relationship. "I desperately need some structure to my day, and you can always use some volunteered hands. Put me where you think I would be helpful." I now have a regular gig several days per week as teacher's aide for the 1st grade (along with other occasional jobs). I can't believe how much I love it! Especially since I never thought of myself as a teacher. But 1st grade is so wonderful, the kids all still want to learn, and it is so easy to see the difference one can make with an individual child. A friend just suggested that I offer my services to a yeshiva that is trying to start up in town, to shape the science program. (I have been pretty vocal in my opinion that the yeshiva's own advertising seems to set the bar distressingly low for the secular studies.) But I told my friend that I worry that I don't have the qualifications for that role - she responded that I'm better qualified for it then no-one, and I might as well take this time to try to shape the secular program for the better. ??? I need to jump on this before I shy out.

This was written the day after the election...


Don't Mourn, Fight Back  - Mother Jones
Today I freakin' flipped out at one of the men I see as having used me and silenced me these past several years. I must say that, as he was the one to initiate the conversation, he was not argumentative, and withstood my criticisms quite stoically,  and seemed genuinely to take the situation seriously, if not my insistence that his previous dismissals were a major driver of the whole sickening situation.
I'm been under one narcissistic, sociopathic power-mad man's thumb for to long (and dammit, one day is too long), while all stood by and watched. I cannot and will not let it happen again without comment.
Going to the post office today for my passport application, but also need to find out how I can become move politically involved locally and be part of the change. I was silent this whole election season, didn't try to educate, didn't challenge false claims, didn't try to engage my friends. Mea culpa. Not again.

This is still my beautiful blog

short hair

Hey, let's just pretend there hasn't been an extended gap since my last post.

I recently cut my hair very short - short for me anyway. The ponytail are now little one inch things, and sometimes now, I just put on the wig grip, and don't even bother with ponytails. Freeing!

Really, right now I desperately want to sleep, and desperately need to study. Yesterday, my world felt upside down, never to settle back to reality. "How did my life come to this?" I asked Little Miss Inside. To which we both replied "This is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife."

And on that confusing note, I will say good-night, please indulge me because I have missed you, and I will hopefully come back tomorrow with something more coherent, but please, with effort, something as meaningful.

How are you?

I was at a dinner at the shul the other night. I happened to be more inside the kitchen than the dining hall that night, which I think probably put me in a better mood, but not very sociable. So at the end of the evening I finally make some small talk.
"How are you, S.P.?" asks a woman with whom I'm friendly, but not particularly close.
"Thank G-d, I'm okay. How are you?"
"Wonderful!" she said enthusiastically, and I couldn't help but be happy for her.
"Wow, that 's great to see you so cheerful. Something special going on?"
"No, not particularly, but isn't it nice to make someone excited? That is why I am trying to always answer exuberantly."

Now I am usually not one to preach putting a smile one your face to make yourself happy: the "fake it 'til you make it" school of thought.  But as I have said before, I'm usually a smiley person, and I think it is a good quality.  So when I am in a good mood, I had been trying to be as enthusiastic as my friend above.

And I have been in a good mood, which is amazing considering the stressful time this is, choosing a school for my son next year.  I believe I am really coming to accept that the wasband cannot hurt me.  Well, of course he can; maybe more just internalizing that I can go day to day without worrying how he will hurt me. Maybe that sounds extremely weak advancement, but in fact it is a fantastic improvement. And I am concurrently, although slowly slowly, accepting that I can really depend on Heaven to watch over me. Everything looks a little brighter today.  I didn't even hate my job so much, it seemed somewhat hopeful. 

And look at this beautiful thank you gift:

I had been helping a young women with a project for her graduate studies. Her whole family is so good to me, I was thrilled to help. She wrote the most "Whoohoo!" thank you card, I again could not help but be happy for her.  I look at the flowers, and I am happy all over. And as an extra bonus, it helps keep me motivated to keep the apartment a little tidier, so I can enjoy the flowers in peace of mind. Not everyone likes the smell of lilies, but I do - I love everything about lilies.

Yay, happy.

Irony Abounds

I wrote my son last night that I need to dedicate an evening or two per week to no tv or computer solitaire.  Went home to make dinner, bottle of milk fell out of the freezer onto my toe.  Spent the night in bed just reading... and icing the toe with the jug of milk.

When She's Out of Bagels...

First of all, the bar mitzvah was lovely.  I cannot give enough thanks to Heaven, and to all my friends who came out to help, and to all the guests who came from far and near to celebrate with my son.  I need to think over more of my thoughts about this new young man before I say anymore about him and his big day.

SOOO, let's focus on the totally superfluous:  I broke out those rusty decorating skills to make a couple cakes.  I have to explain that these cakes were made in the shul kitchen, on their limited equiptment, plus the few pieces, such as frosting tips and spatula, I bought new to use once. (Funny tangent: while I was cooking, the Rebbetzin showed me that they had kept the frosting tips, connectors and gel colorings from my older son's bar mitzvah 6 years ago.  Bleah, didn't use those... but I didn't dump them either. ???)  This was a joint kiddush with another family holding their son's ufruf (pre-wedding celebration), and we catered ourselves, plus they were hosting meals in the shul... it was a very busy, packed tiny shul kitchen.  The cakes were the last things I made before shabbos, and I was under terrible pressure to finish them as quickly as possible, so the designs have nothing to do with what I had planned, and everything to do with what I could accomplish fast, and on the fly.

Sorry, Blogspot won't let me edit.

I am not thrilled, but apparently thaey looked really nice and impressive in reality.  So nice that I got a couple requests to make cakes for coming affairs.  Now I remember why I got out of the cake business:

"Hello Sweet Perfusion, I am hosting sheva brachos (a wedding week meal/ party), and I really wanted to get a pretty cake, but Mrs Her-Family-Owns-the-Local-Bakery is going to be out of town.  Then I saw your cakes and remembered 'S.W. makes fancy cakes.' Would you be able to make a cake to feed 70?"

"Well, I have to tell you that my fees are high.  A cake like at the bar mitzvah would be $$$."

"Oh really?... Mrs. HFOtLB doesn't charge so much."

yes, I know, and neither does the supermarket. Mrs. HFOtLB has a bakery behind her with all the supplies, ovens, pans, etc. all ready. but I don't say this.

"Well, it does take me about 7 hours to make one of those cakes, so that is what I have to charge."

"Oh... well..."

"I guess I could make just a sheet-cake, and decorate it fancy, for $$."

"Okay, that sounds alright, let's do that."

And I am left feeling cheated, and unhappy about the work I will be doing for well below minimum wage.  No, I'm not unhappy, and I look at it as chesed, and a chance to show-off a bit.  But I do feel a bit used.

It reminds me of the joke:

Mrs. Goldfarb walks into Abram's Bakery.
"How much for a dozen bagels?" asks Mrs. Golfarb.
"$3.95," answers the baker.
"So much?  At Bloom's Bakery they are only $2.95 for a dozen."
"So, why don't you go buy from Bloom's?"
"He's out of bagels."
"So, when I am out of bagels, they are also $2.95."