Well Hello There

I'm at work on Sunday again because, well I don't know why.  But I would hate for that last post to be the first impression anyone has of the blog.  Not that I really dislike the post, but it is kinda whiny, and the artsy tone is very much an anomaly.

I went out with movie buddy last Saturday night.  I was actually hoping to find a play or concert to go to, but somehow the pickin's in this burg were very slim this month.  What a disappointment.  So we ended up in the local multi-plex, scanning the listings...studying the listings...praying that we had overlooked something in the listings, because there was NOTHING we wanted to see (especially since I am NEVER wasting my time with another 3D veiwing).  So we went to the least objectionable offering: Woman in Black.

Now, I need to say that I do not watch horror movies, because I am a little frightened rabbit.  I learned this through the few low-level B horror movies I saw as a kid, and the time there was some "Tale of Two Cities" on TV.  The "Nightmare on Elm Street" movies came out right when I was in junior high, and everyone wanted to tell me about them, because my name is very similar to one of the characters. But it's not just homicidal-lunitic flicks that I avoid - as I said, "Tale of Two Cities"was too upsetting.  I don't watch movies about comets hurtling towards earth, orcs abducting children through bedroom closets, or aliens who travel the galaxy to ravage lush, weak planets.  In fact when "Independence Day" was in theaters, a friend invited me to go to the movie with her, and I really, terribly need a night out.  I told her I would go, but I was going to look away and cover my ears anytime an alien sighting seemed likely, and she would have to poke me to let me know when it was safe to watch again.  She thought I was joking.  She mis-poked once, I got a full-frontal view of the squid-like beings.  I had trouble sleeping the next few nights, had to keep thinking "imagine they are Star Wars aliens, imagine they are Star Wars aliens..." 

But I was out with movie buddy, and we had to see SOMETHING.  "Well, I will turn my head away. And movie buddy is big and strong, maybe that presence will make me feel more secure.  I don't know.  God, please help me here; I want to spend an evening out without paying for it in sleepless nights".  Okay - no more suspense, I had a good time, and with almost no bad after-effects.  This was the silliest movie I have been to in a long time.  The people behind us were completely obnoxious, talking through the whole thing, just as we were, which did a lot to lighten the mood as well.  The movie might as well have been called "Harry Potter VIII."  I do NOT recommend this movie, it was dumb as dumb, but I was so pleased.

I'm now realizing that the last time I gave a great review, it was for Super-8, another stupid (but, unlike "Woman in Black," immensely enjoyable) horror-movie.  And I really liked the latest Terminator movie, and I saw that alone.  What can I say?   My favorite movies are "It's a Wonderful Life."  and "This is Spinal Tap."  I would pick a movie with interesting, funny dialog over almost anything else, except maybe great fun musicals.  But thrilling is sometimes fun too.

A Box in Neon Pink Paper Outside My Door

I'm here at work because.
Because I have to change the medium on my transfected cells.
Because I wanted to play on the computer.  Because I eat if I sit at home alone.  Because I can.  Because I have nothing better to do.

My mother sent me gifts.
She loves giving gifts.
She loves giving gifts to me.
I hate these gifts.  Big problems that I need to keep or toss or find another home.  And I need to say how wonderful they are, how much I love them, how much I love getting them.

I don't like poetry.
I don't think this is poetry.
I don't know what to write.  But I need to connect.  But I need to feel that someone knows who I am.  Even if I feed her all the lines.

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It seems to me modern artists insist it isn't art if it doesn't shock and provoke.  When did it become lowly for art simply to be beautiful?  To reflect the beauty of the world, to provide beauty to ingest. 

Hand Sanitizer = Stupid or Malicious?

I have been invited for a meal by one of those nice, wrong-minded people I spoke of in my political blog of Nov '11 .  They are really such nice people that I found myself accepting the offer.  This morning in the car,  my middle-school son, who was the hit of the last meal for his intelligent inquisitiveness, asked about the political reporting on the radio. I let fly with my ideology, along with notice of the meal plans.  Since then I have been thinking about whether I want to take up the political gauntlet (I'm still not sure if the hosts-to-be are clear how strongly opposed are our viewpoints).

Coincidentally, I was on the phone this morning with my mother while in the super-market today.  I noticed one of the newer instruments of mankind's-destruction now available to the general consumer: No-touch foam hand sanitizer . Turn your home into a hospital, the leading breeding ground for Multiple-Antibiotic-Resistant Staphylococcus, and other antibiotic resistant super-bacteria, and pass the gift on to all your little friends.  I tried to explain to my mother why this is such a bad idea, but, like most people, she just wasn't that interested. 

Yes, another analogy: This antimicrobial foam is a metaphor for short-sighted, selfish political goals in fiscal policy, health-care policy, environmental policy, etc.  If you look at the effect of wide-spread antimicrobial foam use,  from a broad perspective, it is clear that all research and common sense indicates these products are quite hazardous.  Now there will be a bell-curve distribution of people across the whole "do you use antimicrobial sanitizers?" spectrum.  I believe very few people are on the truly evil ends of the spectrum = "I do/don't use it because I want to spread disease around the earth."  There are some evil people obviously = the marketing geniuses and bigwigs, at the NICE manufacturers of home cleansing agents who have no reason to sue me for libel,  who came up with this bright idea to make a lot of money on people's misguided fears and best intentions. There are then a few more people, further toward the middle who act for purely selfish reason: "I have to protect myself first before worrying about others by using/not using this stuff." Then there are the great masses of people who want to do what's best, but don't see beyond the ads "WARNING: PROTECT YOUR FAMILY NOW OR YOU ARE A STUPID, BAD-PARENTING LOSER, and it's all so simple..."  

Now do I want to use this analogy at the table?  "...So tell me, are your views malicious, or merely ignorant?"

Bad Form

this post is mostly for the benefit of those of you who know the wasband, because it is so obviously true, but I just saw it. 

Anyone read J. M. Barrie's Peter Pan recently enough to remember it?

I don't know exactly why I was thinking about this, but I just realized  how much the wasband reminds me of  Capt. Hook.

I 'm not being horribly nasty - just hear me out.  I am not claiming that the wasband kidnaps little orphan children and threatens to make them walk the plank.  I'm not suggesting he is clever enough to seduce fairies into switching allegiance.  In fact, I want to examine how he shares the character trait that the author might see as the captain's most redeeming quality - his sense of propriety.

I'm sorry, I can't quote; I don't have the book with me.  But basically, Capt. Hook is able to die (although he somehow invariably returns from the maw of the crocodile in most sequels) with a gleam in his eye, because of Pan's impropriety.  After the final duel on the ship, the victorious Pan kicks Hook to the water and the waiting crocodile below, and Hook is finally able to proclaim "Bad Form!"

The wasband is truly led by the aspiration to "Good Form."  I remember when we were just married, and I asked him about his crazy college days, did he do this or that.  A couple answers surprised me.  "Why did you do this?"  "Feh, it looks low-class to do the other."  Not "I didn't want to," or "I didn't think it was right," or even "It was more trouble than it was worth."  It was because of "Bad Form."   

Why do I bring this up?  Back in the "So I'm a Jerk" post,  I suggested that it was easier on my heart to think that the wasband was acting so cold not because he outright hated me, but because he thought I was a big jerk.  I don't know whether I believed that theory even when I wrote it - as I said, it was a rope to grab for.  But it is clear what really motivates his reaction.  Calm fortitude is "Good Form."

Does that make me feel better?  No, definitely not - whattaryagonnadoo?

my (heretical?) veiw - a waste of talent

*This is the post I wrote about two months ago, but waffled on the propriety of making it public.  Going back to it from this distance, I think it is well within appropriate limits, and I feel as strongly about the content.
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This week my children's schools held Parent / Teacher meetings.  I heard everything I expected to hear, and more so, and I am terribly frustrated.
For reasons not pertinent to this posting, one of my children is at a school that I feel is terribly unable to serve him properly.  No obfuscation: my son is too good to detail, a teacher's dream. But now several of his secular-studies teachers are finding that because of a school philosophy coupled with a lack of space, capital, equiptment, time, etc., these teachers see his year being wasted, while my son sits through (or walks out of) classes far below his level. I don't want to go into details that I see will spin out of control,  but let me say that I don't think his is an isolated case in any way.

The administration, while somewhat sympathetic to my distress, feels that this lack of secular stimulation is a minor problem, because he is doing so well in his religious studies.  I have two major grievances with this response:
1) They strongly advertised the school as college-preparatory, with a serious secular program.  I am only asking for what was already promised.
2) I disagree with the underlying premise, that it is acceptable, and even preferable, to minimize secular aptitude.  My feeling is the Creator, with Ultimate Vision, gave my son this gift.  So he should waste it?  What a loss!  And don't tell me (as several administrators did) that he can get more advanced secular studies later - we all know what a tremendous opportunity we have to learn while we are still young, how difficult it becomes later in life.
This lack of appreciation for the gift of intellectual resources makes me think of the old joke of the man in the flood.  For those of you who don't know it :  A deeply religious man is trapped in a flood, his house surrounded by several feet of water.  Neighbors drive up in a truck, "Come with us to safety."  "No need," the man replies, "G-d will save me."  The water rises, the man goes up to the second story.  A rescue party on a boat comes to the window. "Come with us to safety."  "No need, G-d will save me." The water continues to rise.  The man is able to climb out to the roof.  A search party in a helicopter fly over him. "Come with us to safety."  "No need, G-d will save me."  The water soon rises above the house, and the man drowns.  He reaches heaven and asks G-d, "I trusted in you completely, why didn't you save me?"  "What do you mean!?!  I sent you a truck, I sent you a boat, I sent you a helicopter...!"
Unfortunately for my son, this year, there seems to be no punch line.

Po is Missing a Piece

Last night, when everyone was in pajamas, the boys and I read Shel Silverstein's "The Missing Piece", a first reading for all three of us.

Even though my little guy, Po, can read pretty much anything to himself, I still find this immensely enjoyable, maybe more than when I "had to" read to him.  Anyway, we were going along, and enjoying silliness of the story, a circle looking for a piece to fill his empty wedge, and then the mood turned.  The circle has apparently found his perfect addition, a wedge that wants to be with him and fits perfectly.  But the circle decides that the he was mistaken - he really doesn't want "the one perfect piece."  So he lets it go, and moves on.  Po, my deep, tender soul, was upset, very upset.  His brother tried to tell him it is just a story, not to take it to heart.  But I know all three of us saw that the issue was deeper that this story of crudely drawn shapes.  "Po, if the circle really needs to put down the wedge, than it is not a good ending for the circle to keep that piece.  In real life, a being needs to look to create the circumstances that let it fulfill its purpose in God's world.  The ending of this story may be a confusing ending, or unsatisfying, but we don't know what would be on the next page.  " Then Moo and I came up with suggestions for continuations to the tale of the circle and the wedge, which I think helped Po a bit, but he just had to work through this.

One big irony for me was that I got this book out of the library because Po had been asking about "The Giving Tree."  I told him that I found that book too terribly depressing to read, but that I would take it out for him.  He just read it while sitting in the library, so we didn't even check it out.  So instead, I grabbed "The Missing Piece" to take home.  I remember being very deeply effected by books when I was little, although no titles are springing to mind.  I'm wondering whether to check out "The Missing Piece Meets the Big O."

I was just telling one of Po's teachers how I love the way he is always dancing,  I never want Po to stop dancing.  He is so full of happy , but I guess it is good he has a full range of feelings.  He is a deep, tender soul.

Fickle

I'm happy, I'm not happy, back and forth.

Last week was great, had the kids, and had an extreme feeling of well-being and contentment.  I wish I had had time to blog.  As it is, you usually get me on the off weeks, when I feel not so complete. 

One might think I would have more "free-time" when the boys are with their father."  If I do, I totally waste it just watching TV.  But I don't really have time, because I stay at work late, do laundry, go shopping for groceries and whatever school supplies or clothes the boys need, and try to take care of all the little chores I still have waiting (switch utility services, change address on documents, etc).  I actually get much more reading done when the boys are with me, and I make good meals and keep the apartment tidier.  These are the benefits of structure...and the self-enforced no-TV period while trying to get the boys to fall asleep.  I have probably finished more books in the last 4 months than in the 2 years prior.

So on Monday I intended to write about how great life is, blah, blah.  Then I had a lot of trouble at work trying to teach myself a new procedure (with, what I later found was, a terribly misleading instruction protocol).   I was very frustrated, and so the whole evening went badly, spilled stuff, didn't get chores done, went to bed angry.  On Tuesday, one of the people I e-yelled to sent me a video-link, and I found success!  All was well, happy happy.  Got chores done, good evening. 

I am much to easily swayed between moods.  I guess that's all, I gotta go do stuff.

But here is something fun
http://www.icollector.com/220-Hedy-Lamarr-Delilah-peacockfeather-eye-twopiece-gown-from-Samson-and-Delilah_i10658047
photos of costumes, etc. from Hollywood auction.  I originally went to it to see the costumes that prove Marilyn Monroe wernt no size 12 no matter how much that might we might like that, more like a size 2 with an itty-bitty 18" waist.  Enjoy.