Quick Post (is better than no post):
I have been having multiple "Flowers for Algernon" moments, although not in terms of intellectual clarity, but emotional. I have sudden euphoric moment, just doing normal things. At least, they seem euphoric to me, but as I am not on any meds, am not having any other "manic" symptoms that I am aware of, and they really are just fleeting feelings associated with normal, nice activities, I am led to believe that this might just be ordinary "happiness".
The rub is, the feeling is so strong and foreign, it's really frightening. For the past however many year, most "happiness" was dull any distanced, and strong "happiness" was always mixed with longing and more distance. And any really strong feelings were NOT a good experience. So I am frightened and it is hard not to pull back to memories of bad feelings. => I am going from dark into the light, but it is as blinding and frightening as going from the light into the dark.
Cows in the morning, and crocus in grasses,
Going to the car wash to clean the window glasses,
Bright purple houses, and hearing my boys sing
These are few of my euphoric things.
