Good Advice is just the same as bad advice so sings Allan Sherman
Okay, as you can tell from my last post, this has been a particularly bad time. I know everyone's first assumption would be that it is part of the global COVID despondency, but I would have to disagree, at least that is not the prevailing cause. It's more of the chronic abuse from the ex, coupled with the ugly political jungle, that is just blooming out of control in the current environment.
So while I was boiling over with disappointment and anger, I lashed out on FB. General post:"I hate you all."
When that got a bunch of stupid generic "Sorry you're hurting, what happened?" I couldn't see any reason to contain myself. "I don't want to hear your stupid comments. You could have helped at anytime, could have talked to ex and told him his behavior was unacceptable, But all you holier-than-thous hid behind your excuse of 'not my business', so too late, definitely not your business now."
And of course, I got more insulting, idiotic advice, "You may be depressed. It's no shame to get help. You should go find some help."
Idiots. "Oh gee, you are so clever to have seen that. How could I have missed it all these decades?"
Instead of subjecting you to a further sarcastic rant of my own, I'll link to a
great article in McSweeney's by Jen Fremond.
A little while back, I was hosting a young woman who lives a few miles away, who wanted to stay in the community for shabbos. I don't know her story in detail, and it's not my place to tell it if I did. Enough to say she made some poor choices, and is now in a very difficult situaltion, trying to just keep her head above water, and stay sane and responsible though the next few years until she can hopefully try to improve her situation. She has made that maddening, tortuous trip though public and charity social services that seems to end so very often at "we are so sorry, but we can't really offer any help to you." We stayed up late on Friday night, as she told me about her latest attempts to get her certification in her career field, but between child care costs, tuition, and the buracracy of public assistance, she had to put it on hold indefinitely, with the risk that it will be take so long that she will be required to start again from the beginning. I just sat and listened. She clearly didn't want advice, even if I had any useful advice. She just wanted to be heard, and to find a little sympathy and compassion.
The next day, we went out for lunch at a mutual friend. another woman at the table is perpetually giving unhelpful advice. She is definitely a nice, well-meaning woman, so I know it's ugly of me to take such a nasty view, but anyway... For example, after my lab closed, and I was job-hunting, someone must have brought up the subject, Ms. Advice goes on for several minutes, "you know there are a lot of Universities in the city, have you looked for jobs there? They probably have some information on their computer sites, maybe you could try that? Also, I think there are some pharmaceutical companies around, have you thought of looking into that? Have you applied for unemployment benefits? You may be eligible..." It was so horrible having to nod and smile, "oh, yes, good idea, maybe I'll look into that." When you are in a difficult situation, and someone asks you "Have you had the sense to try the obvious yet?" it is beyond hair-pulling frustrating - even if the interrogator has no idea how inane the question.
So I know what is about to start, when I hear the worthless suggestions start hurling toward my houseguest: "Have you tried going to city social services for help with childcare? I'm sure the Jewish agencies must have educational programs available..." And then someone else at the table starts to chime in, and I just have to step in and stop this right there! "Those may be useful suggestions, but Houseguest is more knowledgeable about all the available programs and all the requirement than any of us, since she actually lives in her life and has been wading through all these programs for months." And Ms. Advice and the others looked unpleasantly rebuked, but apologized, and move away from the topic. And my houseguest was obviously relieved. And I was proud to be so bitchy.
I still haven't gotten to my main point here - that story above was just supposed to be an intro to the actual topic. I've gone on too long already, so let me post this before I lose my steam as I have for the past couple years, and I'll leave with
...TO BE CONTINUED
