Googling "sympathy losere images" responds with a few great images.

I wish I had the kind of personality where I didn't internalize everything.  It bothers me when total strangers are upset with me, so when someone consistently and deeply hates me, I can't let it just roll over me.  I know, I know, I should just feel mildly sorry for him, confident in the assurance that living well is the best revenge: except for monetarily (and possibly career-wise) I am clearly ahead...

[Wow, everything takes on a different flavor now that I know he is trolling this.  Hey you, loser. F-off. You are not wanted here, and you are hurting yourself and the children as much as you are hurting me.]

Anyway, i should be getting groceries, and instead I lost about 3 hours just feeling scared and sorry for myself.

I was sitting with the boys last night, before they got to sleep, just talking about whatever.  Moo has taken to calling these our "whine sessions", where they can just complain about whatever is bothering them that day, although truthfully, there is not too much whining. So I'm just relaxing, yawning, thiking about how much I have left to do before I go to sleep. And I mean to let out a lazy "I'm so tired", and instead it comes out "I'm so scared."  Dang! Did I really say that?! Damage control!!

Too much stress personally and universally, and I'm scared.  Maybe I shouldn't be, I know.  But, I'll tell you for sure, I avoid classes about "Betachon (the trusting side of faith) means never having to say 'I'm scared'".  For me, right now, that would be like saying "Anything is possible, so lift that car off the ground."

I have books for Po waiting at the library.  Between cycles at the laundromat, I went at 11:57 - I read the sign that the library doesn't open until 1:00.  So I did other stuff for the boys, was insulted by the wasband, who tried to humiliate me.  In the end he definitely comes off looking like a total jerk to more people than he anticipated,

[Hey you, I said go F-off, I'm not writing for your sake]

and yet, I go home and sulk and eat for three hours, go back to laundromat, then library at 4:12 - library closed at 4:00.  DAMNIT!!!!Damnit, I can't take it, damnit........and I just cried.  Then went back to the laundromat, then here to work (also for the second time today), to set up something that had to be done this evening to prepare for tomorrow.  And I so hate my job anyway. Hfff.

And I just want someone to bitch to, but all my friends are being so good to me and already doing so much for the barmitzvah, and I really don't want to go to the well again. But maybe I will anyway.