Well that's the end to my comfortable margin of income/outflow. I will now have an extra $1000 - $1200 expenditures in my monthly budget, and starting next year I will most likely have a child going to school out of state, with all those associated bills. Well, it was a fun ride for those couple months. I don't even think I will get to use those wine glasses this year. It has been a very hard couple of days.
I have had a chance to glance over other people's book the last few evenings. Two that I stopped over were An Offer You Can't Refuse by Rabbi Yisochar Frand, and The Garden of Emunah by Rabbi Shalom Arush. I lately have a hard time getting into these kind of book, but they were both wonderful, or I was just led to a wonderful part, and I really took a lot from the little bits I read. The ideas I caught were, respectively, to be mindful of your mitzvos, that they are not done in a blase, unthinking manner; and to know that everything in your life has a reason. Together they are a message to be aware of
...of something. The potential for making everything count? The connection we want to create with G-d at all times? The possibility of having innumerable meaningful moments throughout the day? I can't remember what I wanted to write, or if I even had anything important to say. I should probably try to proceed with these positive thoughts, but can't find the inspiration. Such is life - fleeting. That is what is says in Kohelet and Psalms anyway.
So, here I am on the other side of the separation, and the wine glasses are sitting in a box on the storage shelf, and much of rest of the money was spent without any return.
On the one hand it feels like being in a sit-com; no matter how good or bad your fortune in one episode, no matter how genius or moronic the plan, the characters always go back to Start for the next episode.
On the other hand, there is actually tremendous change (like when a sit-com is lagging, so everyone in simultaneously decides to pull up strings and move to California). The future of the money is very unclear, as I need to meet with my wasband and a mediator to graph out how any assets are to be allocated. More irony - this is one of the major things I demanded in order to stay with the wasband, to discuss the money with a mediator. Maybe it is not ironic, maybe I am seeing the beginning of a life change for the family, as I had insisted was necessary. Maybe I am stepping out of that crazy, nonsensical Kafka-like world, where everyone said "go, work, you're right, you're right", then proceeded to make sure all my attempts were speared. Maybe. I'll try to let you know.
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