How long 'til we get there?

***Photo by Jordan Sopinsky, off the hook productions

I was so sick last night!  I rarely do well with day fasts (yesterday was the Jewish Fast of Gedalia), I suppose because I don't alter my normal routine,  and don't prepare well in advance.  My friends were having a gathering yesterday evening, and I though I would just break the fast there.  My stomach did not like that, and my head, which was already in pain, pushed it into the "let's just go back to a blank slate" mode.  I don't know if any of the advil I had taken 10 minute prior stayed with me, but I wasn't about to take more.  I waited until I felt moderately better, luckily only had about 6 blocks to drive home, and just crawled into bed.

And I woke up...better than well.  I felt that "really really well" of those formerly in acute pain.  My bed felt so comfortable, and it was wonderful to just lie there pain-free.

I'm no stranger to nausea.  I was terribly nauseated throughout all my pregnancies.  And headaches are a regular occurrence unless I am very lucky and careful.  I would think I wouldn't hate it so much, seeing as how I love the euphoric rush of "health" that usually follows.  But the problem, I believe, is the uncertainty. I think I could bare the sickness much better if I knew the duration.  Not knowing when or even if the pain will end is very scary and disabling.

I remember when I was still new to the city where I met my wasband.  We spent a lot of time on Saturdays walking, in the Southern heat and me in high heels, to places I had never been.  "How far do we have to go?"  "I don't know."  This always brought down my spirit.  "You know," I would tell him, " Rashi asks 'Why did G-d say to Abraham "Go to the land I will show you."?'  Why not tell him where he was to travel?  Because it is a bigger test if you don't tell the destination, he had no idea how far he would have to travel."  But he just didn't have the map-type sense to judge how far a trip would be, so I was always just waiting, waiting to get there.

So - obvious parallel:  How long 'til I am comfortable with life again?  I'm willing to accept this is a necessary period of discomfort, even to try to be grateful that G-d has taking my fate so strongly in his care.  But I wish I knew that it was a finite distance.  Or even to know that it was to get to a final proper destination.  Or even to know that I was on the right path.  But I've had a taste of the euphoria in (yet another) dream - if I'm on the right direction, it's worth it.

*** Photo by Jordan Sopinsky http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/off-the-hook-productions/121549817856455 .  If you love it, please ask for the photographer's permission before re-posting or for a link to more photos.