Is that blunt enough?
A good friend sent me a book, a novel about divorce. I'm finding it terribly depressing, not because of the story divorce or my divorce, but mainly because I am jealous of the woman in the book who seems to have a much better life than I do. Mostly I am angry that her friends and relatives are giving her a lot more attention than I have gotten.
I had this same problem of constant self-pity before I left wasband, had it for a long, long time (see the 7/1/11 post for just one other example). But I finally said it out loud to a group of woman recently. "Have you asked for help, clearly asked for help?" "I feel like I am constantly begging for help and affection."
If I have not been clear: "Help me. Love me. Visit me. Write me a letter. Do my laundry and play board games and watch TV with me. Call me to go out for coffee instead of waiting for me to call you. Just don't give me any stuff, I don't have room."
That was the pathetic sounding version, because the real version of what's in my head is nasty and pissy and angry. How can you people, who think you are so wonderful and connected and loving and upright and whatever, how dare you claim these quality, while you leave me feeling so abandoned and alone? The people I exempt from this mass rebuke are N.L.S and E.N.J. (who ironically sent the book, sorry I'm not planning to finish it anytime soon) who both, although long distance, have been life-lines; C-L.O., the first guest and ONLY person to reach out and ask to come over; and B.W. who came out of nowhere to say hello and lend an ear. And S.E.M., and H.B.C although I am hoping to hear from you again before I have to call first.
Hello & Love!
ReplyDeleteI know you asked a few posts ago as to who (whom?) was reading your posts around the world. Well, here I am, Chavie from the Chanukah bazaar (the one with the camera).
I'm not around very often - I'm an optometry student and I'm in the clinic all week, some nights til 8:30. I'm usually in NY on weekends, or Baltimore this week to set bad examples for my young nieces. I've got 1 month left at my current rotation but perhaps there'll be a time we could do something... say, I come over and you do my laundry - did I understand that request right? :)
Ya'know, if I had a laundry machine at my place, I'd be willing. How about we just do some ironing?
ReplyDeleteYes, I would really enjoy seeing you. I have the boys (generally) every other week. On off weeks, I'm pretty darn available. I will try to send a message by FB. Oooh happy.