I didn't want to post this on FB, because really, that is mostly acquaintances who know my face and don't know me. If you are here, more likely you know me (or at this me), though possibly not my face. If you are one of the few who know both, please help.
I'm really falling. I can't keep on like this. I don't even know what I am asking for. But I am out of strength, out of belief, and certainly out of hope.
I just started reading Anne of Green Gables for the first time. Although it is obviously good, I can't enjoy Anne. She is so full of life and hope. I am 43 years old, and I am like the very very old. I have no hope that life will change, and only wait to finally be done with it.
I'm not saying I have given up the last thread - if I was, would I bother to ask for help? But I don't really think it is coming, or would I be posting the request on the stupidest of places? I would be better off posting the request on the tree outside my house.
Okay, rambling. Gonna go pretend to be doing something useful at work.
Oh, and I hate DST as well, wanna go throw a brick at a congressman.
We are familiar with despair. Despair is the worst. I heard once at a Rabbi Yisroel Reisman shiur that the 50th level of tumah is depression, when one is without hope. You know who said that? Rabbi Nachman of Breslov, who battled depression himself.
ReplyDeleteAs you said, you are preparing for Pesach. Pesach is when we fell to our lowest spiritually, but then overnight soared again. We were slaves, the men didn't want to sire another generation, but the women knew this was going to end. They just had to hold on.
When we get low, we have to remember that this isn't forever; when we think it will be forever then it becomes unbearable. "OK, I am low today but tomorrow I can be happy again!" Then hope reappears.
I highly recommend the books of Brene Brown, if I haven't mentioned them to you already, starting with "I Thought It Was Just Me." Hope is not an emotion, she says, it's a way of thinking or a cognitive process. And it is impossible to experience joy without practicing gratitude.
I just finished reading the book and I am tempted to reread it, it was so life-altering. I hope it can help you achieve serenity, the way it helped me.
Call me, Sweetie.
ReplyDelete--Hadassah