Sweet Profusion: Not some little Hotsie Momma

Few people who consistently wear their waistbands above their hips are less qualified to write an article on fashion than I, but I have one particular fashion peeve to share: shells.
I don't mean those calcium rich mollusk armor you collect on the beach (although those shells are also not my favorite embellishment); I'm referring to a tight bodice garment used for under-layering, to provide "modest" covering of arms, neckline, etc, under less concealing clothing.

The idea of under-layering is, of course, not new. The past several decades have seen 1) popular fashion become increasingly revealing, 2) overwhelming expectation that clothing be available "off-the-rack". Thus religious women have been asking "Uch, isn't there some easy, non-bulky, economical, and stylish way to make this years fashions 'work?'"

And, like the Ronco in-the-shell-egg-scrambler, the SHELL was born.

No, maybe not like that... Anyway, although we have been wearing T's, cammies, long sleeve T's, dickies, "sleevies", or whatever underneath all these years, suddenly "shells" are the new thing. But because they are "shells," they are now somehow appropriate to any occasion. And even more unbecoming: now every article of clothing is appropriate if it has a shell underneath.

A couple years ago I was dragged into Brooklyn for the day. I had way too much time to just watch the people at this "Jewish family event." The place was crawling with young women, mostly young mothers, wearing the tightest, sauciest clothing I had ever seen at such an event. And I thought to myself, "there is no way I could ever really belong to the ****** movement, I could never be such a little hotsie momma."

How nasty a thought is that? Well, sorry but it was just an awful day, and those clothes were the topper, along with a soft-serve chalav-yisroel ice cream cone that was so bad, it might as well have been tofutti (maybe it was! I hate Brooklyn.)

So here is my advice:
1) DO NOT spend $5000 on a shaitel, then wear it to your cousin's wedding with a sleeveless off-the-rack dress "enhanced" with some obvious shell. You CAN still find a seamstress to either alter that dress you saw and loved, or just order a whole new dress, it is possible. And if you really can't afford that - then keep walking and find a different dress or wear last year's.

2) Some tops are just plain inappropriate. No matter what you do to them. If it looks like underwear, don't use it as outerwear. If it looks like a negligee, don't wear it as sports wear. If it is so tight, strappy, notched, that it would be only be appropriate...well, you get the point, just don't wear it.