...not much observation. The house sold, I was given 9 days to move out; with Rosh Hashannah in there, it's really only 5-6 days. I was beyond pissed and beyond depressed. It's the beginning of September, so there are barely any apartment immediately available. This was awful. I was already feeling so sorry for myself that no one welcomed me into the neighborhood, and now I had to deal with trying to find a solution, on my own, with no resources. I spent the last day and a half stumbling around, thinking horrible, depression-induced thoughts.
Well, I found several viable options. I didn't have to do it totally alone, I even had a friend who looked at some of the apartments with me, is helping me find major appliances, etc. In fact, I'm feeling now like I have too many option, too hard to choose - whatever I choose I will feel that I missed the right opportunity. But I am functioning MUCH better. Actually did a lot of stuff at work today, even though I am now taking this break to blog.
Remember what I said before about previously, desperately wanting to partner with someone, and recently feeling like that need is subsiding? Forget it. I am terrified of having to make these kind of decisions alone, and be strong on my own. Yuck. Don't like it, can't take enough pride in it to make it a good thing, I just hate it.
I can't become complacent yet - I need to really muster all the forces I can to MOVE MY STUFF in just a few days, and then move it again in a couple weeks. Plus I need to beg all shabbos and yomtov meals until, well, probably the whole yomtov season. I was so looking forward to hosting meals again... Maybe I didn't move on that fast enough.
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