My Heroes

I have been the recipient of huge favors this week.  I had been feeling so sorry for myself, and so guilty about being such a sponge, that I hadn't been able to accomplish almost any moving or holiday preparations.  Two amazing women stepped up to the plate and basically took charge.  One woman called around and found apartments and came to check them out with me, and told me I was going to stay with her family until I found new digs.  The other woman pulled me out brooding yesterday, took me around to talk to more people about apartments, and packed up most of my possessions today.  Both of them made a LARGE amount of phone calls to tell friends, "S.P. is back in town, and she needs your help and support NOW.  Go and at least call her NOW. "  I couldn't do that, I am so shy.  They are amazing, calling all those people, many of whom they barely knew.

One of these women told me, "On my tombstone, I want it to read 'She was useful'."   I think this was after I told her I have been ruminating on whether the balance of my place in this community is as a spring or a sponge, and I would now say over to the sponge side.  She said not to worry, and told me about a household she knew, who were invaded by a family-of-horrors that stayed for months without trying to find other accommodations.  She assured me that sleeping in a friends basement for a week, while actively trying to move to another apartment is not being a sponge.  Okay, as always, I know there are people worse than I am, but still, it's uncomfortable on so many levels.

Anyway, what I really want to write about is another woman, from my past, who performed the most courageous act I ever witnessed.  She stood up (literally), said to authority, "No, you may not,"  and was above fear of what anyone would think of her.

We were both at the wedding of  a mutual friend.  The wedding was in the hometown of the groom, and so most of the guests and almost all of the rabbeim at the event were friends of the groom.  The bride's father was to fly into town that morning straight from a business lecture he was giving in another city, but his flight was canceled, then delayed, etc, so that as the kabalot panim (reception of the guest before the ceremony) started, he was still in the air.  Long-story-short: the big-wigs of the community were insisting on getting the ceremony started, the groom agreed, the bride was sobbing as she tried to receive guests, and we, her friends, were trying to figure out what to do as the men keep gathering up at the chason's tish (men's reception area) to move to the bedekin (last check of bride by groom before the ceremony).  The bride's brother had been going in to explain that they could not start, but there was some community banquet later in the evening (like more than 2 hours later), and the powers that be were insisting they could not wait any longer, and still the groom put up no resistance. 

"What should we do?" the brother asks.
"Someone should just stand in the doorway, and keep them from coming out," I say.
We all look around.  "I'll do it," says G, and she does.  She stands in front of the door, as the men start to sing, stretches out her arms, and blocks the passage.
"Move out of the way," says man, whose identity I hope never to learn.
"No. You will have to wait.  The mitzvah (commandment) is to bring joy tho the bride and groom, and right now the bride is in tears because her father will miss her wedding."
"You can't do this...I'll go back and talk to them, but you cannot intimidate us."
1 minute later: "Alright, we will wait a little longer, but it is not because of your little stunt!"
What ridiculous bluster!!! As if she even cared WHY the ceremony was stalled, even if it wasn't obvious for all the world that SHE WAS THE CAUSED.
Beautiful.  End of story - the father made it to the ceremony.  Well, almost end of story, but the rest is not mine to tell.

I never told the women how much I admire her.  So here it is: G. you are phenomenal, truly my hero.  Not that you should be thinking about headstones, but you can certainly ask to have this put on yours if you wish. I also don't know if the bride knew this story, but I imagine she has.  If not H., there you go, give G. your love.  I wish we had all done more...