Wednesday is seminar morning, and when the talk is boring, I often take notes on what to blog. Today's seminar was fantastic. And it didn't hurt that the lecturer was a great-looking guy, with a cool accent: Mediterranean face with what I would guess was a slightly West-end London accent.
Anyway, this is just an update blog. I've been doing poorly in the emotional world, but productive in other spheres. Every little thing sends me into swirls of pity over how alone I am, and how poorly the wasband treated me, and how I don't see any purpose to my life, and generally how stupid and blind the rest of the world is. I actually had an embarrassing breakdown / blowout this shabbos. I went for lunch to a family who regularly hosts me (maybe once per month) as well as many other guests, so there were about 10 guests at the table. They take out this "topic on the parsha" book, meant to inspire table-talk with questions of correct conduct. So far, I have generally found this book quite lacking. Anyway, the question of the week started a topic on elder-care: not a topic that directly effects me at the moment, but certainly something that I have thought about. Basically, if one finds that he is unable to keep a civil tone with his elder parent, but otherwise could provide better care than a nursing home, where should the parent stay? EVERYONE at the table says, "Of course the parent must be kept at home and the child must bite his tongue. ANYONE can control his mouth, and this is not a difficulty worth considering. NO QUESTION!" I thought "you're all arrogant bastards or all lucky enough to have loving relationships with your parents," and looked away, saying nothing. It didn't help that the regular jerk of the group had been going on the minute before about how wives must honor husbands, all respect to men, blahblahblahblah, and everyone was laughing along with him. The woman across the table asked what was wrong, as my face seethed with disgust, and my eyes swam with tears. When I didn't answer, she pressed harder, and I exploded. "I disagree with everything everyone has said! You are all so sure that you are perfect, and that everyone can be so perfect, and you are just wrong!" Suddenly all the women back-pedal, "Oh of course every case is different. Oh, of course, I always say you have to do what is right for you." plus stupid, unhelpful suggestions, "you need to find a support group." I didn't bother to explain that I don't actually have this dilemma at the moment. I just tried to laugh off the incident, and steer conversation onto another topic, and away from me and my outburst. I'm so sorry to embarrass my hosts that way, but otherwise, I have no regrets.
I talked with a friend on Sunday who advised me to throw myself into the beading, which seemed a good idea, except I got nothing else done at home this week, except to start on my son's Purim costume, which is also a mixed bag of emotions, to expound on at another time.
Here are some new pictures ( I think they are all new)...oh shoot, I have the camera, but I must have left the SD reader...uch, I bet I left it in the bag of costume supplies I bought yesterday - I remember thinking it was getting dusty in my purse! Oh well, too bad. Hopefully I will get in some quick pics tomorrow.
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